So I've been testing the waters of the singles world...so to speak. After going through a relationship where I was totally taken advantage of, I decided that maybe this time I would go about the singles scene in a whole different way. The last time I was in the "singles scene" was thirteen years ago and can I just say a lot has changed since then!!!
Before my marriage to Scott, I used to chat online to find guys to meet and date. I figured what with having kids and working the hours I was working at the hospital, this was probably the easiest and best way since I didn't want to go to church dances or bars to meet men! Scott and I actually met in a chat room on AOL....not even sure if AOL even exists any more! {chuckle} I met a lot of men this way and was able to chat with them before agreeing to meet somewhere. Trust me when I say I had my share of good and bad dates. I remember one date where the guy kept asking questions and I swear I could seeing him adding check marks to his list after each answer. Do you want to marry again? Do you have kids? Do you want more kids? Needless to say I ran the other way and never looked back!
So any way, this time I decided to first look at my reasons for dating. Marriage? Eventually. Fun? Sure Loneliness for adult companionship? Absolutely! This is not to say that I don't have relationships with any adults in my life, but most of them know of Scott's death and tend to treat me a little differently; kind of with kid gloves. Sometimes I think adults other than my kids treat me like I should still be the "widow in mourning". I still have people at church ask Nicole and I all the time "how are you doing?" This is always asked with the head tilted just slightly to the side using what I call the "puppy dog eyes". When I say we are good they usually respond "really?" I still haven't figured out how to make people realize that though I still miss Scott, Nicole and I ARE going on with life and that our days are filled with joy and laughter for what I would say is more than 99% of the time. I honestly believe this is what Scott would have wanted!
Back to the subject....dating! I decided that this time around I would choose activities that put emphasis where my emphasis is, around the church. I first joined an LDS dating service. Not sure if I would recommend this. Seems there are still lots of men (and women I'm sure) who are on here portraying themselves to be something they're not. I did make a good friend from here though, Mike; who then invited me to volleyball in Woodscross so I went. I thought to myself....I can do this. This isn't like a dance where you are on display and have to pair off. I was right only in the sense that you don't have to pair off! I totally felt like I was on display! None of the "women regulars" would even talk to me, treating me like I had the plague! I chose to be on Mike's team just so I would feel a little comfortable. I had to leave early because Jen was watching Nicole and it was after 10 p.m.. Later Mike texted me and said "the boys LOVE you!" He said that after I left the guys wanted to know all about me. I told him I hope he told them I wasn't dating and he said that he told them I was a widow just recently out of a bad relationship who just needed good people around her. I'm so grateful that he has my back! The only two women that spoke to me didn't go to Woodscross for volleyball usually. They were just there to hand out flyer's for a Layton Singles activity. They introduced themselves and whispered to me that I needed to come to Layton VB which is much better. So, the next week I went to VB in Layton....huge difference! These people are so friendly! I actually feel like they are all friends just out to have fun. It doesn't feel like a meat market like it did in Woodscross. Since then, these wonderful friends have invited me to numerous activities and made me feel like one of them! We've gone to dances, movie and pie, and karaoke! Each event is fun and I never feel like a fifth wheel and I can take Nicole with me and they treat her just as well. I will keep you posted since I have another singles activity to go to tonight! :)
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